I always have considered myself a strong willed woman, even from the days my siblings and I were too young to make our own decisions. Here lately, I’ve noticed that if I give up some of the reigns, I’m able to experience things much easier and with more flow.
Things like allowing others to help me complete a task, asking for help and knowing it’s ok, or accepting the fact that I’m not the greatest decorator. And maybe my minimalist lifestyle isn’t the same for everyone else in my family.
I’ve even gone so far as allow others to help me parent my children when I’m in the same house as them, because I always assumed I needed to parent them better than anyone else. But let’s face it – sometimes allowing someone else to take care of a screaming, angry almost 3 year old is kind of nice.
We all need a break every now and again.
And considering my husband sees the girls about 2 hours a day, right before bedtime, it gets hard sometimes, feeling like I’m doing this parenting thing all alone.
Having someone around who knows me before I knew my husband – before I moved across the country with my oldest without any support, because I can do it all alone (insert strong will much?) – before I became a parent and was a wild early 20 something who had her fair share of fun has been really, really nice.
I didn’t realize how much and how shelled in I had become. A piece of me was pushed down for about 4 years, and wasn’t allowed to see the light of day.
Maybe for fear of not being comfortable with who that person was.
Maybe for fear that she might want more in life than I currently had.
Maybe for fear that she might not like this life.
But after having my brother-in-law here for a month to keep me company, do the girls’ hair each day, help me learn how to cook a bit better, and even teach me a thing or two to decorate my home, I feel like there’s a new fire lit inside of me.
I feel vulnerable.
I feel passionate.
I feel powerful.
I feel that I have a valid opinion in areas that matter for our family as a whole that need to be heard.
I don’t know why for so long I didn’t allow my power to come into my life and my marriage. I guess I felt that if I wasn’t the main breadwinner, I didn’t get to have a say on anything. I honestly settled and felt trapped because I would walk on eggshells nearly daily. I knew that if I wanted to do anything or have anything that I wanted more than was needed for our family, I would have to figure out a way to make my own money.
And I also didn’t want to waste my experience and settling for what I had, even though it is amazing and many people would be extremely happy. I knew I was meant for more, and wanted so much more for me in this lifetime.
So I started my own business partially to grow and learn for myself, but also to help other Mommas who maybe struggling with the same things I went through. And some days struggle with still.
I believe in you sister, and know you are made for so much more and that your desires and dreams are there for a reason. Don’t give up and compromise just because.
You are the result of the love of thousands. Honor that, and give gratitude to those who came before you, who made it possible for you to exist.
At some point or another, we say “I don’t want to be like my Mom or Dad,” and then before we know it, we doing things/acting like our parents. Sometimes it’s good, other times, not so great.
I’ve been there too.
Here’s the thing – your parents, grandparents, etc are only doing the best they can to NOT be like their parents. They are trying their best to give and do things for you that they had and didn’t want to continue in their children.
While they are trying to make things better, parts of their past are coming through as well. When we choose to get angry over those who didn’t have all the tools or the awareness that wee do today we are simply giving into the fear and judgement parts of us.
Instead of looking at these incidents as faults or fears, we can take them as an opportunity to learn from the experience and express gratitude for the lesson to be presented in our lives.
I can’t count anymore the number of times I have heard my parents say “Well, we did the best we could with what we had and knew.”
And, for a really long time, I didn’t think that was good enough or acceptable. I thought it was a cop out or an excuse as to the experience I had in childhood.
When I started realizing and looking into my ancestry, I began to understand that was true. I was so concerned with the things I thought I was missing out on, I failed to see the experiences I was given that others weren’t able to experience. As I gave gratitude and love to my childhood, I started to have a different and better relationship with my parents.
The gratitude I gave to my parents went to my grandparents and on down my ancestry. It helped me to understand, give up judgement, and heal my anger and victim mode.
I no longer feel the burden of my past. I’m at peace with my history, and love that I have those experiences to make me who I am. I don’t carry them around like a weight on my shoulders any longer. I have released the weight not only from myself, my parents, or grandparents, but also from my children and their future children.
Are you carrying around more than you bargained for? Let’s book a call and see what all is ready to be released for you and your family.
13 years ago, I joined a platform in the fall of 2005. In my freshman year of college, and very much in my infancy of freedom and adulthood.
Facebook was also in it’s infancy. Back before all the videos, ads, marketing, random PM messages, groups. The days when only those with a college email address could join.
Looking back, no one could have predicted our journeys as they are today. Maybe Zuck saw it for his baby, but I certainly didn’t see mine for me.
When these memories come up and I think back to that time in my life, I had all these hopes and dreams of who I was going to be and how long it would take. I was majoring in Radiology – mostly because I wanted to prove my dad wrong. Because he was ‘old’ and didn’t know anything.
I now appreciate his guidance and opinions.
I wanted the freedom to be me. It was the first time I felt I could finally escape the childhood and past that I deeply wanted to hide. So much so that I started dating a guy much older than me. I was so consumed with is affection and attention that I spent every weekend with him in my dorm or traveling back 2.5 hours, 20 minutes from my parents, at his house. I didn’t do the normal college things often, only 3 times that whole year. I stopped attending classes and actually dropped most of them after the financial aid was released.
I was completely terrible to my roommate, whom I had known since 3rd grade and saw daily in middle and high school since our names were so close together, our lockers were next to each other. I forgot who I was and realize looking back, I had no idea anyways. I was running, I was hiding. And that became my story until about 2011.
Most of those years, I went to community college, worked full time, and dated the same guy who didn’t want to go anywhere with life fast. Because that was safer than returning to face the things of the past. That also meant I could support myself and show everyone I didn’t need them.
I had it all figured out…..at least it appeared on the surface.
Deep down, I had no idea there were hopes and dreams dying a little more every day inside.
At one point, I had so much shame and gilt that I couldn’t take it anymore. So, in typical AJ fashion, I ran. I did things I’m not proud of but realize it was part of my journey.
Running away and not dealing was my escape when backed into a corner with no other foreseeable options. To me, running away was easier than standing and facing the truth. I would have rather carried the burden inside of me with a smile on my face than deal with the truth. Or telling the people I was in a relationship with in any area of my life, to their face.
Looking at the pictures and memories from that time, I don’t recognize that girl. I can see sadness and a cry for help. But I also see the calculations of who and what next move happening.
It’s so easy to compare that to now. It’s so easy to look back and point the fingers and imagine “what if…..”
In reality though, I have no idea where I would be now if I didn’t take those risks or calculate the next thing. I honestly couldn’t have even planned the life I live today, not even a little bit.
I do know for a fact that I am far better and happier today and yesterday and tomorrow because of them. I am forever grateful to have these experiences and opportunities to make mine and those around me’s lives better.
You are allowed to be with your journey too. Stop for a second and just be you. Don’t compare who you were or what you were. Just be present in this moment and listen. Listen to what your body is saying. To what that little voice inside is saying (both good and bad). Then decide where you go from here. It’s completely your choice.
Yep, bulletproof ways to always get where you want in life.
Whether that’s getting in your life, or making a difference in the world, never settle with where you are right now.
Never become so comfortable in your space and life that you forget that things can change in a second. Always strive for more and be looking in your peripheral for what’s coming your way..
Now, I realize these may be bold statements to make, and maybe go against everything you’ve ever been told.
“Stay in your lane and focus on the tasks at hand. Don’t worry about what’s ahead, finish your tasks now and then do that after.”
Or something to that affect. And maybe it was only me they were talking to…?
I don’t recall exactly, but I do know that where I am in my head versus where those people are in real life are quite different. No one but you knows how and when to be satisfied. And if what you are seeing in front of you in life is different than what you are seeing in your dreams/imagination/headspace, then change it!
Only you can do that.
No one else can.
I can tell you that when I was at my lowest point, when I was donating plasma just to keep food on the table for my little girl, I was envisioning a day where we wouldn’t ever have to do that again – a day where we’d never have to worry where our next meal was going to come from.
When I was drowning in debt trying to make a better life for us and didn’t know if we’d make rent, I was keeping in sight the image of a better life. One that didn’t involve needing to worry about money or where it would come from. One where we could do and buy and go whatever and where ever we wanted.
I sold things out of our home that we didn’t need. I cut off services that weren’t critical to our survival. I worked extra jobs and found ways to increase our income so we could get out of the situation we were in.
Situations and hard times are only temporary as long as you see them that way. Today, more-so than any other time, the opportunities to get ahead and create a life you want are ENDLESS. It simply takes getting out of your comfort zone to make a difference.
I’m writing this blog at 6 am because the inspiration came, and I was up anyways. If I tried to store this for later, it would be gone out of my head. Personally, I’m more productive in the mornings than the afternoons. I do all of my research and important things in the morning because by 2 pm, I’m done working for the day, and switch (for the most part) fully into mom and wife mode.
Because I created that. I wanted to spend time doing homework with my girls and taking them to swim lessons or dance or whatever that ends up looking like down the road. Each and every day is a little different depending on when my husband is traveling or home, but I know that in order to keep the life I want and my vision alive (because I’m still not there yet and my vision has grown and developed into more) I have to do things when everyone else is still sleeping or at school/work.
I digress… back to the ways you can get out of and ahead in your situation.
There are so many ways for you to make additional income, if that’s what you are needing right now. Just yesterday, we found that you could make a pretty decent income by becoming a ‘charger or juicer’ for these new motorized scooters from Bird and Lime. Now, if you don’t live in or near a big city, this may not apply and you won’t have ANY idea what I’m talking about.
If you have technical or administrative skills, and have a computer, you could offer to support someone who owns a business virtually as tech support or a Virtual Assistant from the comfort of your own home.
If you are good with words, or love to share your own journey, you can write for a platform called Medium and receive payment for your words being read by other readers. Other sites that you can offer your services on are Fiverr and Upwork.
The opportunities are endless for you to get out of your situation. The question is, do you want to?
Listen, the economy is the economy and unfortunately, we live in one today that is as messed up as the wind on a spring day in Indiana – great one second and the next it’s ice cold. So do yourself a favor and don’t get so comfortable and believe that you would never get fired or you can change the outcome of your life next year. Do it now, while you can still get ahead, and before your dreams are dead.
What do you think? Good ideas or no? I’d love to know what you do to get ahead in your life.
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