7 Powerful Ways to Respond When your Child Complains

Your kid can be your little munchkins, sugar candies, the apple of your eyes, and whatnot. But when they are complaining, and creating a mess of things, they can be a nightmare to deal with. Leaving you no other choice than to admit defeat.

It is okay if it happens once or twice, but you cannot do it all the time. I mean, you cannot buy them an expensive toy, if it’s out of your budget. That being said, not all their demands are reasonable, and if you fulfill them all, you might be making your child stubborn and adding more trouble for yourself.

Thus, you have to know how to handle your child when they complain or demand something. If you don’t address this when they are young, it can continue into their childhood and teen years, trust me, I’m going through it right now as well. Here are some tips to get us all through: 

7 powerful ways to respond when your child complains

1. Listen to them

Even if you don’t agree with your child’s demands or complaints, the least you can do is give them the

satisfaction that you listened.

Doing otherwise, responding without listening can make them feel unappreciated and undervalued. As a positive parent, you cannot afford to do that. But at the same time, it does mean you must submit to their demands to make them feel valued. Ergo, the wise thing is to just listen to them – not to respond, but to understand their demand and perspective.

2. Set time limits

Sometimes, kids might not make demands for new toys, but they whine and complain about other things that might be equally unreasonable. Complaining is valid on their part because, like any human being, it feels good to let out. So, allow them to do that by setting time limits. I let our girls go a maximum of five minutes to complain about something, and then I ask them to stop and forget about it. It usually doesn’t even last that long, because what they complain about isn’t life altering. 

3. Provide them with a choice

If you do not agree with their demand, provide them with an alternative if you can. Taking the same example – If you think an expensive toy is out of the question, settle for something else that your kid might enjoy. Perhaps a similar yet cheaper option or a trip to their favorite place.

Go on about it like this, “I wouldn’t be able to get you that toy, but if you’d like to go to a carnival, I can take

you out. Think – this is the only thing you can get.”

Providing them with a choice, wouldn’t make them think that they’re powerless.

“We are only going to talk about it for five minutes. So, you have only 5 minutes to discuss. Beyond which we won’t touch the same topic. We can talk about something else, and have a healthy discussion”

4. Be mindful of how you respond

When dealing with kids, you have to be very mindful of what you say and what you do, as it can hurt children. For instance, if you don’t agree with a demand, don’t scream at your kid. Handle the situation smartly. The last thing you would want them to think is that they are not loved and understood.

Moreover, even if you don’t reprimand them, you still have to be careful with your words. Using positive words would make the situation easier to handle without any repercussions.

At the same time, having a playful approach can do wonders. Try to make them laugh.

5. Empathize with kids

Sometimes, even though you find your kid’s demand unreasonable, it can be sourced from something very human and affectionate. So, your job is to recognize the source.

For instance, if you find your kid begging you to take a day off from work to take them to a zoo, it might not

necessarily be because they want to visit the place, but because they feel distant from you. It can be possible that you might not be giving them enough time lately, and it can be the reason they’re acting out.

6. Tell them your side/ your opinion

If you don’t agree with their demands, tell them why. Don’t leave them hanging. Giving them a reason would communicate to them that you heard them, but are helpless or have your own reasons.

For instance, taking the example in point 5, tell them why you cannot take them out to the zoo. Tell them you have a meeting ahead, and a busy day at work. Offer them another day you might be able to take them to the zoo or do something else with you to make the connection closer again. 

7. Lastly, Offer them a distraction

When nothing works – give them a distraction. The trick has worked for generations, it might work for you as well. However, do make sure that you do this as a last resort. Meaning ensuring that you first listen to their demands, empathize with them, give them the choice, offer them your reason and your opinion, and then try this method.

For instance, if your kid is demanding a new expensive toy in the middle of the mall, but it is out of your budget, distract them with a different scene, for instance, a mall decoration, or any kid nearby. Trust me when it comes to it, there are a million distractions you can use.

We all go through the complaining phase at one time or another with our children, and it’s our job as parents to ensure our child is being heard and acknowledged for their concerns but within a certain timeframe. It’s important to not let them get carried away, or coerce you into something you know isn’t necessary. Try to distract them with something else or offer an alternative if you are not able to give them exactly what they want. At the end of the day, you are doing great and know we all go through it one time or another!