6 Ways to Help your Child Overcome the Fear of Failure

6 Ways to Help your Child Overcome the Fear of Failure

We might not know what the future holds for us, but what we do know is that it holds failures. Failures are inevitable, so we might as well not be surprised if they knock on our doors. As parents, we have been down the road, we have failed, we have succeeded. In short, we have survived it all. But our children have not – they are young, and they have plenty to see in their lives – that includes both failures and successes. 

But as much as how progressing failures can be (if we look at the bigger picture), failures can be extremely frightening – so much so that one may not be able to grow, or do what they should do because of the fear of failures. In other words, the fear of failures can be like a cage, and you wouldn’t want your kids to be inside it.

As parents, that’s the last thing we want for our kids.

So, if you agree, and want your child to overcome this fear, here are a few ways you can try.

6 ways to help your child overcome the fear of failure

1. Change your responses

Trust me, when it comes to failures, your responses matter a lot. Your response towards failures will shape

their response towards it. Meaning, if you consider failure like the end of the world, they’ll consider the same. So, be mindful of how you react to your own failures, as well as your child’s.

For instance, if your child fails the test, don’t reprimand or punish them. If you do, it will only send one message that failure is a sin. You don’t want it to happen, do you? The right reaction in this scenario would be, “It’s okay, it’s not the end of the world. You will have another test coming. You will always have chances to score better and become better.”

2. Focus on efforts more than accomplishments

What do you do when your child wins the contest or scores well? You go out to celebrate. But what do you do when they don’t win or score excellent? You neither celebrate it nor congratulate them.

Think through. Doesn’t it in a way reinforce that failures are nothing but a disgrace? It does, and it’s high time you change it if you want your kid to overcome the fear of failure.

You can do that by focusing on your child’s efforts more than accomplishments. Every time your child achieves something, don’t congratulate them for that but congratulate them for making efforts. Even if they don’t achieve something, do the same – recognize and praise their efforts.

I have learned this first hand with Leila and her swimming because it’s such a tough sport where you literally compete for hundredths of a second time improvement or even placing. At first, it was disappointing for me when she would get disqualified for something simple seeming in my mind. I then realized she needed those moments to help her grow and learn, which became an accomplishment the next meet when she improved her time and didn’t get disqualified. We celebrate when she finishes and doesn’t get a DQ and also when she does great.

3. Be supportive of your child at all times

Sometimes, children only fear failure because they think it will disappoint their parents. But supporting them

at all times can change their perspective. In other words, you don’t have to be supportive only when your child is participating in a contest, or during their exams. Instead, support them at all times.

Doing so will make your kids reassured that even if they fail, it won’t be the end of the world because their parents will be there for them, no matter what.

Again, another swim lesson I learned. The very first time Leila got a DQ at a meet, I was so concerned with what happened, I didn’t realize how she felt and how she thought I was disappointed in her. I was sad for her more than anything because she just swam an amazing race and she didn’t have anything to show for it more than disappointed in her! But my tone and questions made it seem I was disappointed not sad. Sometimes we have to look at our tone more than our other actions.

4. Encourage them to focus on finding solutions

There are two types of people in the world – Type one, those who consider failures as the end of the world, and type two are those who don’t let their emotions take over the control, and focus on finding solutions.

So, you guessed it right, you have to train your child to be in the second category. Let them know that failures don’t matter as much as our reactions. Don’t let them associate failures with incapability, instead consider failure as an opportunity to make things right.

Now, when Leila gets a DQ (thank goodness less often), she knows what she can work on in practice and come back the next meet stronger and better. She doesn’t let it stop her and even makes her a better swimmer and person because of it.

5. Let them know there’s no success without failure

The world talks of the final success, but no one talks of the journey in between. In other words, there’s no

success without failures, and you have to let your child know that. If they didn’t win a race, it doesn’t mean they won’t ever.

As said before, perceive failures as a sign to become better and correct your mistakes, when you do that, it’s a given that you will do things right.

Success story for Leila — she got a Disqualification in her 100 meter butterfly in January and in February she cut enough time to place in the top 10 but also qualified her for the Junior Olympics meet, which she needed to cut about 20 seconds to qualify for. If she didn’t get the disqualification in January, she probably wouldn’t have improved her technique enough to cut all that time to qualify the next month in the same event! Not only did the disqualification help her in the 100 butterfly, it also helped her improve her time in the 50 meter butterfly!

6. Share your own stories

Sometimes, it feels good to know that you’re not the only one. Likewise, it might make your child feel better if they realize that they are not the only ones who didn’t do well or failed. There are millions like them – and that includes you. If you have a story to share, feel free to do that. Inspire them with your stories, or of others, you know.

Turn back the dial; go into the past, and think of the moments in life you felt that everything is going downhill. But you didn’t give up, and you just turned out fine.

 

I believe failure is a lifelong process for which we as parents have a lifetime to help our children get over that fear. Heck, there are probably some things to this day you are afraid to fail of, I know I have things I am afraid to fail! No one is perfect, but the quicker we help our children understand that failure is part of the process and how much we can learn from it, the better they will be in the long run. So don’t forget to share your own stories of failure and be supportive when they do fail. Be patient in the process and even celebrate the failures as much as the successes!