Sibling rivalry can be frustrating to the parents. I remember this as a kid, and I’m certain my parents were at their wits end with us. We always hope that our kids can grow and co-exist in perfect harmony without any form of confrontation with each other but the reality is far from this. At some point, your kids will fight, and the closer they are age-wise, the likelihood becomes higher because they have similar interests. Your job as a parent is to mediate and solve these conflicts. And the good news is: you can. You just have to know how to manage this sibling rivalry and the tips offered here might come in handy.
How To Manage Sibling Rivalry
What pushes your kids to fight with each other? There are many reasons for this conflict. The most common one is when they are trying to get attention from you. During the lockdown period, many kids find themselves bored at home and as a way to kill this boredom, they pick fights with their siblings. This happens irregardless of birth order, whether you have older children or younger children, or whether children are close in age or wider apart in age.
Brothers and sisters may fight because they want to establish dominancy and feel powerful over the other. If one kid detects that you have a preference among your kids, this might lead to sibling rivalry and conflicts as well.
How To Identify And Manage Sibling Conflicts And Rivalry Easily
There is no single guaranteed method and you have to understand that you may not eliminate sibling rivalry. You may be able to control it though by using several different tactics. Also, don’t get discouraged. Trial and error is common when dealing with an issue as dynamic as sibling rivalry.
How To Manage Sibling Rivalry:
1. Create rules, regulations, and traditions for your home
One of the rules should be that no one is allowed to fight, name-call, or demean another person in your home. This is not productive behavior during conflict. Make sure you enforce this rule so that the kids will understand that they will face certain consequences if they break these rules. This may set a good tradition that everyone in the family follows in the future.
2. Ask the kids to come up with solutions
The kids may understand the situation better than you and once you step in, do not try to impose the probable solutions you have in your mind. Then, everyone in the situation feels discouraged and possible like they were not heard. The best way is to ask them to suggest how the conflict can be resolved. If they agree, you will have mitigated the issue and created a bond between them. This is a great way to teach them problem-solving tactics.
3. Listen to both sides and do not pick a side
When resolving the conflict, do not pick one side. Listen to each of the family members and decide who is to blame for the conflict. If possible, look for a win-win solution. The sibling who started the fight should apologize to the other. If there are consequences and punishments to be done, make sure that you are fair but firm when giving these punishments.
4. Intervene if the conflict goes out of control
Sometimes its best to let the kids handle the situation themselves. If it is not something serious, they may find common ground and resolve the conflict without you having to step in. However, if the rivalry becomes aggressive and physical, step in immediately to prevent the kids from harming each other.
In general, sibling conflict should not error on the side of violence, name-calling, and / or degradation of character. If after trying several sibling rivalry solution techniques to no avail you still see this type of escalation, consider enrolling your children in family therapy. While therapy is not the solution to all problems, it can be very helpful and formative for children who have a hard time expressing and acting on their emotions properly. Thus, therapy should never be looked at as a failure or last resort, but a learning experience for all.
5. Give them time-off
Sometimes it is not possible to calm the situation when everyone is upset. The best way to handle this would be to send them away separately and give them time to calm down. During this time, encourage deep breathing and relaxation. Revisit the situation and host a family meeting when they are calm and find a solution together.
Start developing conflict resolution skills with your kids early!
Sibling conflict is a common issue for families with more than one child. Though it may be frustrating to deal with, it’s important to remember that conflict is a normal part of family dynamics and especially sibling relationships. There are a few things you can do to help manage sibling conflicts and reduce the amount of fighting in your home. First, try to avoid comparing your children to one another. This can fuel jealousy and competition between siblings. Second, spend time with each child individually. This will help them feel valued and loved, and can prevent fights from happening in the first place.
Finally, teach your kids how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. If they do end up fighting, model good conflict resolution for them so they can learn how to handle disagreements in a constructive way. With a little effort, you can help reduce the amount of sibling fighting in your home and create a more peaceful family environment. And the best part? As your children learn these life skills, these skills will stick with them throughout life allowing them to better minimize conflicts as adults.
Do you have other tips that help you manage your kids and their conflicts? If so please share them as we all could use all the help we can get in this motherhood thing!
Since I first started traveling with Leila when she was 2 1/2 years old, I have picked up a few must haves along the way along with Finlee traveling since she was 1 month old as well. These are my must haves when traveling with children & toddlers from my experience.
I think as a family of 4, we have traveled together maybe 3 times and I travel by myself with the girls at minimum 3 times a year. So I feel I’m kind of an expert at solo travel with kiddos and toddlers and navigating an airport, flight, rental car situations and getting to a destination by myself.
So here’s what I’d recommend you bring along for the flight and for making your life easier during travel with your kiddos either by yourself or with help. You will not regret adding these items to your packing list.
10 Travel Essentials For Kids
I highly recommend packing all of the clothes you can in as few bags as possible.
This is so you can get baby and kiddos to and from safely, but if the kiddos are old enough to carry their own, have them do that. If you can wear a baby carrier for your baby and toddler, this helps immensely in freeing up your hands.
Another thing, if you can rent a car seat or have someone bring one to pick you up with it, that makes life so much easier.
If not, I have a car seat backpack that we pack both carseats into and I wear as a backpack. Here’s the one I use and recommend except mine is black and not red. I also have on this page a dolly of sorts that I tried to use in the past, and for me, it took away one hand because you have to pull the dolly and at the time I was trying to pull luggage and a stroller and hold another toddler’s hand, so I didn’t like it. But maybe it will work for you!
If you have older kids, like teenagers, maybe they can help carry some of the items like stuffed animals, travel pillows, diaper bags, water bottles, etc to help take off some of the weight from you.
Next and favorite recommend for toddlers and above is a backpack that has a ‘leash’ on it.
Listen, it may not be super ideal, but when you have a runner like my youngest, you will appreciate this. Here’s the one I found on Amazon and it’s big enough for her iPad, snacks, and a few of her must have toys. Oh! and it has a chest strap that snaps like the car seat so it can’t be removed when those awesome temper tantrums come and they try to take it off but can’t! Don’t leave home without this, either via airport travel, in the car, or sometimes going to a festival here in town. The best option there is!
This works great as a carry on bag for them and also for you if you end up having to carry the toddler, or place the bag under your seat with your item. This type of bag also makes car rides easy because you can grab the strap and pull it if needed while driving.
Activities For Kids On Plane
I try not to let them get their iPads out before we get on the plane because I want them to get out a bit of energy if possible. And to have a charge on them when we can’t move anymore. I recommend also taking them to get some headphones for the iPad or game system. Because no one wants to hear a super loud kids movie the whole flight!
I let them pick them out because they tend to like them better if they get to choose their own and take better care of them too 🙂
We limit screen time to the flight starting during takeoff and landing because it usually distracts them when it might otherwise cause some discomfort.
This might seem a bit silly, but I ALWAYS have them pack a pillow and blanket for the flight.
I know that Steve is always hot when he travels, but I’m always freezing. I have the kiddos wear or take long sleeves so they can adjust if they get too hot. The other reason I do this is because I try to book flights when I know they will sleep –like nap time or an evening or later night flight. I don’t like to book early morning flights because they usually sleep all night and then are awake the whole flight (unless it’s Leila who NO MATTER when we fly, usually falls asleep before we even take off the ground). But sometimes you can’t help it.
Another tip I will add is if it’s late when you will get in or an early morning flight, put them in their pajamas, either right before you board the plane, or before you get to the airport as it makes for an easier time when you get to the hotel room.
I always pack snacks for them so they can eat or not eat if they choose.
I also let them go pick out a snack or drink before we get on the flight so they get to have something special for the flight and it makes travel day fun! Eating is one of the best airplane activities for kids because it keep their jaws moving through the assent and descent and while it doesn’t occupy them for a long time, Like I mentioned in the beginning, our family travel, is usually the girls and I.
As I’m updating this post, the girls are now 11 and almost 11, and we actually travel as a full family much more, and no longer need a ton of baby/toddler items. Traveling with kids versus toddlers is much easier because I can use packing cubes for our family trip and put them in their own bigger bags.
On this same note, I try to hit up the Target dollar section a few days prior to us traveling to pack a few surprises for them that they get to do on the flight.
Sometimes it’s flashcard puzzles for Finlee or the magic coloring things with the magic markers that don’t make a mess on anything but the paper. It just depends on what’s available but usually I like to get those things that are little and cheap and keep them busy when they don’t sleep. It works well on the rest of the trip too as they can do them in the car on road trips or the hotel, etc.
You can find inexpensive plan activities like this at the dollar store, the Target dollar section like I did, Wal-mart, and more. Look for travel games kid’s love, like card games, coloring books, dry erase boards, activity books, and small toys with minimal or no small parts.
The last thing I have them pack in their backpacks or in mine is a cup with a lid and straw for travel.
It makes it easier when we go places to have a cup to put water in so we aren’t all sharing the same bottle of water, or juice drink. And it works much better in car seats and sometimes the hotel so things aren’t spilled in cramped quarters. I think it alleviates some stress for everyone because we know who’s drink is who’s and how much they have had and if we really need to stop for the 15th time to go to the bathroom…. am I right?!
Drop your travel essentials for kids below!
Finally, I find that the more calm and less stressed I am about traveling, the better the kids are with everything. If I am stressed at any point, the girls then get stressed and act accordingly. So, after some much learned trial and error, and sometimes forgetting, I’ve learned to let lots of things that would normally get to me, go when traveling with the girls. I also have noticed that whenever we travel as a family with Steve, if he’s stressed or trying to deal with work issues, it doesn’t affect the kids as much as if I’m the one who’s stressed or in a bad spot.
Just my experience and thoughts with traveling with my girls as I do so most of the time by myself. If you have any tips or input as to things you do, I’d love to add to my toolbox in the comments!
preference among your kids, this might lead to sibling rivalry and conflicts as well.
days prior to us traveling to pack a few surprises for them that they get to do on the flight.
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